Friday, June 25, 2004

haiz..englang lose le lah! wad the hell, i dun understand wad is their prob lor..stupid lah..never learn frm their mistakes de! Y everytime second half start to slack?? And tat beckham..cant even kick in the ball lor..penalty oso lose. Realize tat beckham is so fei4!!!! wao lao..i damn angry lor, tat stupid owen, second half tat time dun even make a effort to attack lor, the whole team slack lor. Tat's the result of slacking...

last night watch half of meteor garden, den went to sleep for 1 hr plus, woke up watch euro lor. Den the match damn damn long..played until 5.30am plus.So qiang2..tat portugal last min kick in, luckily they got in one, if not it wont be exciting, i was almost gonna fall asleep le lor. Den half way during the match, my mum woke up n scold me. haha, coz i was down there screaming "damn it" when port score in one goal lor. Sumore toking damn loudly on the phone..haha can u believe it? 4am smth still down there smsing and toking on the phone. My mum say i wu2 fa3 wu2 tian1 le, i think last night she oso didnt sleep well..coz i down there watching soccer of coz will cause a bit of disturbance. haha, i'm so sorry.Tonight's france vs greece i cant watch le lor..coz tml early in the morning hav to go for NJC's GAT. haiz, i'm totally not prepared for the test. Coz i dunno wad to do for it..general ability den general ability lor..sure fail de lah. haha

this morning unhelply got up at 11am. Woah tat's very very very late hoh..but i believe got sum soccer fan even later than i am.Still remember yesterday england scored one goal but the refree dun count, haha hope he is still alive, not killed by the fans yet. Haiz, i think i got no hope le. I dunno start frm when and how i became so addicted in soccer..so bloody hell...

Thursday, June 24, 2004

this morning woke up at 10 plus..quite late ahz. Btw last night i slept at 12 and woke up by sum sms at 4am plus..duh, about the dear euro cup.haha tonight i'm gonna watch eng!!! finally channel5 gonna show the quarter finals..singapore media finally got sum common sense. It's lyk hallow? pple lyk me wan to watch at home lah..lll_lll

last night bushuang wif my mum again..not really say we quarrel, but just lyk i keep quiet most of the times, she just goes on and on.Sumore over damn damn damn minor things. I dunno wad to say le..last night she came back at 10 plus, went to eat dinner wif her colleagues n left me at home. She became back, within 10 mins, start to scream abt me didnt open her bedroom windows. Plz lah..wad's the big deal abt windows..u like windows so much issit?? gotta smth wrong lah her!! urgh. For the past week she has been lyk dat lor..everytime come home only noes how to nag n scream, scold me lazy lazy daughter..blah blah blah. Plz lorz! I didnt wash my stuffs it's my business! Urgh..i was so bushuang last night..decided not to sleep with my mum n moved back to my room immediately. Coz every morning her alarm clock can woke up the whole flate le! sumore there're nights when i can't get into sleep she oso wanna scold. Plz lor..she's the one tat wans me to move into her room coz my dad fly to china for the time being. Suddenly felt glad tat i signed up for the boarding school programme..although nanyang's boarding sch issit tat good bud at least can dun stay at home for 3 weeks...

enough of all these stupid craps. I've been online for 3 hrs..decided it's time of the day for me to do sum work le.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

haha..change blog skin le! yeah! via via i luv u!!! i chose the skin den she help me changed de!!! Chose this lighthouse skin coz of this very nice saying i've heard. [The lighthouse by the sea is like a strong woman, facing all the waves and pains yet guiding the ways.] yeah:) haha..i'm getting crazily mad these days. School gonna reopen le. sort of looking forward to it. Actually just 4 more months and this whole sec 2 yr will end. But when i think of all those stupid things in sch and class, start to dun feel lyk going back. haha..these days even get tired of 66, tired of the sch building..so boliao. I'm being siao le, i cant expect the sch building to change right?

i think i should make some new resolutions for the coming terms..
# improve my math..my math really lan4 till dunno wad le
# improve my violin..after leaving strings, i must admit tat i'm neglecting it
# stop caring for some useless things and mind my own business, especially things in the class.
# most importantly, i wan to find my worth. continue to drink coffee n fight on! haha

Monday, June 21, 2004

~music is something u should play with your heart, dance is something u should do it with ur soul~

today's violin lesson damn nice. I walk in the studio, amazed to find my teacher playing piano alone down there..today the student before me is sick ahz, tat's why she so free. She's playing rong zhu er's fly away. Damn nice de lor..in the end we ended up toking abt piano better or violin nicer for 10 mins. Finally, i went on to play my hw. Den she demonstrated lahz..she told me last time when she's student, she often play like how i play now. a bit not enough feelings. Play with your heart. haha..suddenly really find Dvoke's music very touching..coz this time i really got use my heart to play.

My life is going on normal, or i should say normal than ever. Coz somehow, after all those" exciting" things, days are peaceful.
Tues: staying at hm
wed: ipw cum cca
thurs: staying at hm
fri: staying at hm
sat: njc GAT cum dance rehearsal

this is my 4th week's schedule. Decided not to go anywhere unneccssarily. haha really think last week le, shld give myself sum peace some days to reflect how am going to walk thru' the nxt semster. Suddenly find tat life is much more interesting than wad i tot it would be. No matter wad i lose, there'll always be things to replace, tat's peace.

平平靜靜地过日子，修身养性，找到自己生命里的一片净土也是一种幸褔......

Saturday, June 19, 2004

before i know it, tears already filled my eyes. Staring at the computer screen..ended all my converstions in msn and stop doing the survey analysis. That phone call only ended lyk 10 minutes before.
I told myself nothing happened.Coz i really dunno wad happened at all. No reason, just a fear that became reality. Someone else left my world. Left as in not physically but emotionally.

突然发现生活好无奈..我从椅子上站起来, 把电话放回去. 就是这短短的几步路似乎用了好久好久. 才11 点多而已, 不过我决定睡觉. 也许睡觉醒来, 一切就没事了.拿起手机,SMS,想要告别吧. 边SMS,眼泪就边不自觉的流下来. 我以为我不会哭, 但是还是哭了不是吗? 才发现自己是这么的不坚强, 这么无法接受打击……
后来打电话跟刘备聊聊…我脑袋一片混乱是只想到了她. 上次要自杀也是后来备备安慰我的. 真感谢不尽. 只觉得心里一阵阵的痛…预感成真就是这样吗? 连个解释也没有,也许不需要解释, 反正到最后还是一样的.

走到了尽头
不得不说再见
但忘记一些回忆
也需要勇气

my mum last night saw me calling liu bei..saw me crying on the phone. In the end I told her everything..i think she dun understand totally, but understand half? In the end she told me if she knew tat ealier, she would not have picked his phone call for me at all. Yah..tat call changed everything. It’s not the only problem of this particular person leaving me. Just tat he’s leaving is making me realize that my world is turning faker and faker. Hen3 ke3 bei1 when I scan down my contact list, who’s there?
This morning woke up, my eyes swollen. Haha..dunno wad to say. Woke up and remember what happened…almost felt that it’s a dream. But found last night’s sms in my hp. So realized I cant escape le, it’s reality. In the end switched off my hp..till now dun have the courage to on it. Deleted all messages down there. I dunno how long it will take for me to get back to myself…it’s unbelievable tat this totally distructive thingy happened in the holidays. Wad the hell is this ahz??? I’ll be strong…I will be.

从今以后, 我要靠我自己走下去, 不管是谁进出我的世界. 不要在珍惜了, 因为没有人值得我珍惜…因为越是珍惜, 就越会失去.

真的, 我不会在珍惜什么了..不是不要, 而是不能, 我的心太累.

Friday, June 18, 2004

today wake up at 6 over...coz got cca at 8am. haha first time i ever wake up so early since the holidays. Erm..cca is okay..preparing to do the presentation at asian arts musuem on first sat after sch reopen. seems tat the first week of sch rather busy schedule. This sunday still having ipw meeting..haven to finish my work have to rush le. I really no idea how to do literature review lehz..case study analysis oso not sure...wad the hell is this.
this few days really getting frm bad to worse..doing nothing at home all the days. My lit hw left 3/4 but still dun feel lyk doing it. I gotta smth wrong ya? Wanted to revise chemistry n math oso never revise. No matter how i tell myself i must do this do tat, i just wont do in the end. I got smth wrong. This sat at first wanted to go fishing but in the end i dun think can go le..beibei's dad dun let her go lah..so saddy.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Hw Left: Lit& Math

kaoz..i pia hw for dunno how many days le..still haven pia finish. Coz i one hour do one question. haha.

today afternoon went shopping wif my mum..we went to queensway there. I actually wan to buy sling bag lahz. Turned out to be tat we stroll around there but didnt find any thing i like accept for the nike one tat wh the whole gang buy one. But i decided i dun tat one. In the end got a pollo one frm sumwhere near my house. Haha. We went ikea. So cute lor..i went there lying all over the beds..their beds so cute..the chairs oso lahz. In the end we bought 2 vases which are onli nice for ornament purpose and 3 clothes cover. haha. Damn tired lor..had afternoon tea at ikea..drank 2 cups of coffee again. I think i've become a coffee expert.lll_lll

Third week gonna end soon. dunno y holidays always go by so damn fast. haiz. how i wish 50% of the year is all holidays..i would rather sleep than to do anything else. lameo..

Monday, June 14, 2004

You should be dating a Gemini
21 May - 20 June
This mate is inquisitive, entertaining and
charming, liberal, broad-minded and youthful.
Though Gemini has a tendency to be impatient,
gossipy and sometimes irritable, this twin has
the ability to expresses his or her pent up
emotions during sex!


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Gemini?? seems tat i always dunno y fated wif geminis ahz..haha.Frankly, gemini pple always you3 yuan2 wu2 fen4 with me..


today went to read my old blog(www.ebloggy.com/widelia)..
haiz..suddenly felt the past year seemed so long and long and long. and so far and far and far. Pass by wad dennis comment"u gotta be strong and happy...remember the widelia spirit...". well tat's so long before..nowadays look at it seem so touching. Yahz, i've totally fogotten widelia spirit.INNER STRENGTH..suddenly felt so sad, looking at past things of coz made me sad. Especially looking at sum comments..by pple tat have already leave my world. Especially the part gotta smth to do wif wangfang, my grandmum..and yl..made me damn depress. I stared at the screen for dunno how long and started to cry.It reminded me of those days in strings, practising 6 hrs a day..taff but memoriable.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

unfinished hw:
english complain letter
lit ws
lord of e flies
math ws


i so qiang! until now still so many hw left. I decided not to slack anymore! hahaz.
last night couldn't get into sleep until lyk 3am..haiz coz i was thinking abt this and tat, tat and this. Haha. today math mass class again. Sort of again came to my senses..made me realize this holiday gonna end so soon.Think i shld give myself sumtime to settle down n dun slack anymore. There r really things i wan to do before sch reopens..wan to adjust my attitude, adjust my emotions as well.certain things i shld really ignore..yahz including things tat are not my responsibilties. This morning woke up sore throat again..think probably bian3 niao2 ti3 infected or dunno wad...wad the hell lahz.

Won't be updating for these few days le. My mum is controlling my amount of time online. I oso must control myself.My dad is flying to shanghai for 2 weeks. Suddenly wan to go as well..wad a baichi wish.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Scorpio are born between October 23rd and November 22nd
Scorpio is a Water sign.

You have an undying loyalty to family and friends that sees you through troubled times. Although this can sometimes lead to emotional relationships, your inner strength will ensure that you pull through any troubles that come your way. Success is your driving force, this with willpower and a passion for all that life has for you will see you reach your goals.

Planetary Ruler: Mars
Compatible Star-Signs: Cancer, Pisces, Virgo and Capricorn.
Scorpio Gemstones: Beryl, Red Carnelian, Malachite

~ GO QUIZ

mars?? erm..haha..shall i move to mars?? lameo* My inner strength? maybe quite true..haha i do believe in my inner strength

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

bring me to life

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life



-Evanescence



***********************************************************************************




空虚的诺言是虚伪的, 是个一碰即碎的花瓶. 然而它, 却总让人们抱有一丝幻想, 一丝不再实际的希望.

yahz..i'm rewritting the drama script again. The original one cant be worked out..this one sounds better ahz? haha.
Today damn tired. morning dancing..waited for 40 mins for bingyu at mrt.. afternoon went for speech training meeting which in the end only half of the group turned up. In the end still recieve a message which says"u must motivate the pple lah! no use complaining..blah blah blah". Yes motivate..how am i suppose to motivate when there are only half of the pple here and we cant do much really. wad the fuck. I'm seriously angry. These days i dun say the word fuck anymore unless i'm really angry.

yahz..i dun understand y. I dun owe this whole grp anything. Even the monitress didnt turn up. Poor cherie got her leg fractured...the rest dunno got where le. I have made enough public announcements. I dun owe the grp anything. So do i owe them to motivate them? no..

afterall it's my own stupidility. Coz i didnt gave up this class 202..which has no class spirit at all. I regret le. It is coz my naiveness. I even believe that the grp really will turn better after wad they promised.

I dun owe anyone anything. i duno who else can i trust.

Monday, June 07, 2004

<直来直往>
--孙燕姿

有一种勇敢叫做原谅
在回家路上想一想
爱如果变难堪 就要放


bingyu just left my house not long ago. Came to my house to discuss the dance thingy yahz. Haiz..not really came up wif anything except just small little steps. aiyoz progress seem very slow. lyk as if a big project lyk dat, haha. Erm then we had the beijing duck for lunch lor. The one yesterday we packed frm Grand Shanghai. ahah..~ tasted oily?!

yesterday i wad damn bushuang yah. haiz. Went to my uncle david's house..coz my other uncle came frm europe to here for just 2 days so "family gathering"...eat dinner together lor. Got to see my 3 yr old cousin yahz..David's daughter..damn pampered.. haiz i dunno wad to say. Though my 2 uncles and my mum are siblings but afterall our living background is different lahz..so sumhow i always feel them fake, the atmosphere oso damn fake. haiz dun seem lyk a family afterall. Especially david's wife duh, tat siao siao auntie of mine..everytime so fake..fake till i dunno wad to say le. Perhaps i'm just lyk dat. 2 type of pple i hate most- fake pple and filrting kinda.

Troy troy troy. I wan to watch troy!!! this tuesday is the last day in the cinemas i guess. Haiz. last night at first my mum say wan to watch wif me. In the end was lyk erm..she say" i didnt bring jacket..cinema very cold..nxt time lahz" she got sense or not!!! wao laoz. i dunno wad to say le. Last night sitting on the sofa eating the duck and switching tv channels around. Nothing better to do. wad kinda of holidays is this. Now i playing Sunyanzi's cd damn loud..smth wrong wif me ahz?! hahaz. Sumtimes i wonder, should i just go on living this kind of life? should i just dun take wadever things so preciously?

这世上没人能陪你一辈子. 我突然怕了...怕自己的太过依赖..有一天你不在身旁那我呢? 太多的相象,以后会怎么样? 当一辈子的朋友..可能吗?

Sunday, June 06, 2004

MESSAGE 4 PPLE IN THE 1st group 4 speech training
< the chinese half written script has already been sent to u pplex..check ivle plz.
the training dates for both chinese and eng are up there us well. so plz check ahz. Frankly i not sure whether u all can receieve it..anyone passby my blog n see this plz reply if u got the mail ahz>


yesterdae was lyk erm..i got out of home at 9 plus..returned home at 11 plus. So qiang..ahah. morning went for cca meeting den did the ite filming at silvia's house. Den play play around. 6 plus went to school for the dance night thingy. The performance was nice lahz. Just tat the chinese dance get a bit bored after a while. Coz all quite the same..mass dance de. But anyway quite nice..the solo dances very nice ehz. haah. After busying for a day. i think i was pulled back to reality again. Should start with hw le ahz! suddenly rem i said that i wan to work hard for the second half of the yr..coz previously tat geo exam and lit exam all flunk le. If dun work hard..i can wait and dunno get wad kinda of result.
I wan to watch troy!!! too bad it's gonna show off le. Almost no cinema is showing it anymore. so sad...so sad...urgh wad the hell. Didn't get to see the RA 1000 parts.

Friday, June 04, 2004

　　哥，有我在的地方，你永远都不会寒冷。
　　请你，自由地，歌唱……

this one is from the story beibei sent to me..wao kaoz it's so touching i cried for it lorz. haiz having no freedom is such a pity thing and having people leaving you one by one is such a torture.T_T

~~~

today afternoon math supp. Suddenly felt this one week holiday lyk as if half a year lyk dat. Morning put on uniform felt so damn weird, haha perhaps 1 week is too long?! Felt as if being pulled back to the reality again once i am in the lecture theather listening to this boring math lesson. Spending this one week too lavishly..playing all the day..thus felt so unreal yahz.
dunno why suddenly have the feeling of changing my hair style lorz. ERm..wan to change to those the finch cover half of the face kinda...very cool huh?! Decided that i cant live on lyk this wif this kinda of big attitude prob. Getting depresser and depresser at things which are already in past. Past= past. I have being going on wif life. Just tat it's not happy, it's not wad i want to have. Perhaps losing pple are sort of sumwat very impactive to me.Urgh. I want to change myself. These few weeks lyk mad lyk dat. Sum thing wrong with my brain huh..turning more and more pessi liaoz. It's nth wrong to be pessi. But wad's the worth of living if i'm finding troubles for myself always.
Well..let's see how much i've sacrifice and how much i get back..it's never equal. Perhaps it;s wad my mum said. People are not happy coz of they never get contented with what they have, if you have a big heart, it's possible for you to be willing to sacrifice.


THE PROB IZ..we are all mortals..so who will be like dat right..

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.


What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla






我和我的心
终于醒在伤过之后
就算未来一无所知
也不再向虚伪祈求

haiz..yesterday mum banned me frm using comp when she's not at home. Wad the hell. so now i can only use it while she's at home..jian1 shi4 me lahz. Wad the fucking hell.
tml got math supp ehz. Aiyoz..dun feel lyk going for lessons again..i'm turning to a bad student. Frankly frm holiday till now..i didnt do anything except that stupid 2 book reviews. Wad the hell..i'm like a tortise..so slow.
today afternoon beibei n cy came to my house. At first me n beibei were in NTUC..i wan to buy wine..but cant lahz. Coz i'm not 18 yet!!! so bushuang in the end bought the kinda of sparking juice..a bit like wine.ahahah i think i maddy le. These days dunno y suddenly wan to drink wine..I WAN WINE>>>RED WINE

i wan wine
wine wine wine
wat's so nice abt it? dunno just feel lyk wanting myself to be drunken and sleep ...ya wan to sleep.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

在很久或者不久以前 人们在传诵 人影憧憧有人倒下来 就有人获得光荣 一个人跌倒总有旁人 为他而心痛 你的英勇是他的残忍 谁能够为所有人效忠 看谁看懂 想谁想通 谁都忘记了宽容 只想着自己的英勇 谁提着灯笼看左看右 都有他苦衷 坚持执迷顽固说到底 每个人只为自己效忠 看谁看懂 想谁想通 谁都忘记了宽容 只想着自己的英勇 我们等待改变世界的英雄 看谁在最后成功 染红整个天空 成全了谁的梦 这世界需要有人被歌颂 我们等待保护自己的英雄 轰动好让自己感动 染红整个天空 成全个人的梦 这世界需要有人被歌颂 我们等了一个又一个英雄 看谁在最后成功 染红了谁天空 成全了谁的梦 只是为了叫千万人鞠躬


today afternoon went to beibei's house with cy. Haha so damn funny me and beibei was dancing the marymoo..hahaha tat LSC dance. haha den did some hw at her house. Only finished the chinese book reviews. Omg..these few days i really very slack lehz. I did 0 hw except the 2 book review..so qiang2 right?
me and cy drank beibei's coffee..2 cups k? rather a lot lor..during exam period i oso drink 1 cup onli. hahaz. Den beibei was down there being our DJ..playing music for us all the while ahah so nice. Den again heard this yujian lahz..which made me tot of last year's things again. Haha i wonder wad's wrong with me. Everytime hear yujian i'll sank into weird weird memories. I really shld learnt how to care less abt sum pple..nvm they are already disappearing frm my daily life.

" i won't leave u unless u want me to......no matter the past or the future, u'll always be a best friend for me......"

i wonder if the person i said these to still remembers it.
sumhow just recalled these sentences today..while listening to tat yujian. Haiz. I dun noe wad's the prob with me. I seem to take longer to forget things, others take 6 mnths, i'll take 1 year.