Friday, July 30, 2004

Home

weee...my boarding sch stay is officially over. hahaah..niceoooo.. today after watching jj's concert had a hard time packing all my things..it was rather a rush. Den at first it's mum who will be coming to fecth me..in the end yl send me back. Haha..had a hard time carrying tat heavy luggage..i mean i had a hard time, but i think he didnt lah...in the end my mum didnt told me she will come to fetch me at my bustop...then amazingly, yl and her met face to face. Den mum even toked to him..and thanked him??!! ahhaha...so funny. yl oso very calm..sooooo funny

today actually very sad....cried in class. Flunked my math test...really flunk....flunk..can fail le.haiz...not onli becoz of tat..but recently too much things, damn busy till cant breathe..

life has got smth tat's not right...but i dunno how to explain wad's the not right part...it's just a feeling. I felt tat i've forgotten toooo many things.I felt i'm not being myself...really got smth in me and my life tat's not right...but i dunno wad.
I WAN TO GO SEASIDE to scream!!!
today got the option form or ip or o levels and the subj comb..i dunno wad to choose..dunno wad i am thinking as well.
My ambition is to be a farmer!!! ahahahha.....farmer!!!!!! i 've gone mad.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Choice

well, yesterday had violin lesson..so went back to jurong east there. met my mumfor dinner as usual..we were toking abt my future. I told her abt the things i found out abt oversea's studying..after sum tots, i think i have 3 choices

1) take ip in nanyang,go hcjc. Do well for a levels and get an oversea scholarship..this is not very possible. Coz erm..it's not easy to get scholarship, sumore my family has no money. Oversea scholarship means univers in other countries give u scholarship provided u do well lah.

2) take o level..and try to go 2 an english sch lyk rjc?? at least by then i will hav a choice over other jcs. then maybe after a levels go overseas for univers.

3) this is the worst plan..take ip or o level, get on with life, go and jc..and stay in spore 4 university. This is outrageous..but sumhow i feel tat this is gonna to be the reality. Coz u noe, my parents dun really seem enthu abt supporting overseas..unless i can suvive without much of their money.

This is the reality..i suddenly realize that money is very very impt. Just lyk u can get into harvard if u r rich, but it's not easy if u r poor den u need to work hard for their scholarship. Actually currently thes probs dun matter tat much..but however, the stupid option form is gonna come by end of this month..we hav to make a choice for subjects and o level or ip. If i choose ip, i might be stuck in hcjc this environment and it'll not be good i go sum western countries. Frankly..i hope to make england my destination. hahahaa...a bit not possible right. It's sch fees is the most ex among australia,us and uk. hahahhaah.........

i really dun hav a single idea. And i choose o levels, i scare i will flunk it, lyk how i flunk my psle. Well, and if i take o levels, i hav to work hard for my cca as well. Tat's wad i dun lyk abt this country..sucks lor..emphasize "non-examinable" things so much for wad??? tat stupid home econs oso have this proj tat proj. Think pple are so free ahz??

Den the subjects..i think i will take 3 sciences,den geo and englit( it's either geo, hist,e lit or chinese lit) if i hav the ability to lah.The ip or non ip i haven decided. Afterall, last night when i got on the bus, my mum told me" the choice is urs, but u hav to consider all factors for urself."

We are all standing at the cross roads of our lives. Last sun i read a article..toking abt a 16, 17 gal..making her choice for her future. And..tat's her youth. When she dun even understand much abt the real world..she has to make a choice. I'll get on wif life. Afterall, the choice will come to my head one day.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Brotherhood
 
weee...just back to hostel not long...though it's very late now..i feellyk writing sum reflections..hahah...i'm a bit mad...or i shld say i am madder

It was a damn touching movie yahz...nc16 de..hahah first time watching nc 16 show ..sumore with 2 only 15 pple...they hun4 inside de..hahahaha
ok..the movie is  damn touching..i recommend all to go n watch!!! provided tat u can fake 16. hahah. It was so touching tat i cried. I CRIED U NOE...first time tat i cried in a movie...sumore wearing contacts and cry. hhahaha...siao le.

War is such a shit. It separated so many people...unbearable to see the gals suffer for their love ones..the zhang dong jian's gal friend died tat time i cried lyk siao. Haiz, just felt tears flooded me. The kind of kinship, simple luv..made this whole movie so true.Can u imagine the mother and wife running after a train just to wave goodbye to their love ones and tears flow in their heart, in their blood.

I was sad for wad the war caused those pple's life to be..sad for the real human nature. The more u kill, the more numb u feel. ~But wadever u did, wadever u sarcificed, it's for ur bro, for ur family~
I remember in the end, the younger bro look at his bro's skeleton and held tat pen is his hand..saying" i waited for u for 50 yrs..yet u left me behind.."
This is so heart breaking. It's the kind if pple's wu2 nai4 tat made me so sad, lots of things in life cant be controlled. And i'm damn sad for wad the reality is, the cruelty of women's status, and the men's wu2 nai4.

society is rotten, or i shall say that tat the kind of environment i'm in is rotten.
~ for i'm a gal who wants the truth of my character, who wants freedom of my heart and soul, who don't wish to hide myself with a mask. But yet, too bad tat i'm not those typical gals who suit into a gal sch well. This is wad i realized after so long in ny, this is not the life tat i want~

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Council Interview
o my god..o my lord. The interview is totally a disaster. U noe..they asked very detailed qns...and very those kinda of wei2 nan2 you qns. Forget it lah..haha anyway this is my ever first time having an interview..with 5 councillors shooting 10 over qns at me profusely.

Last night was very enjoyable..me and bingyu went to Niu laoshi's room..her room was just beside our room..haha..she quite nice, tok to us for very long...till 11pm. Den went back room still chatting with bingyu..we start toking abt council to social probs in singapore. Can u believe it? we tok till 1am...tat's so qiang lor. Haha..anyway, we tok abt lots of things, abt our future, abt our path, our childhood..and stuffs..we tok till cry..she cried..but i was having tears rolling in my eyes that i hold on to it. I was touched and remembered my childhood, where there was sufferings. We also toked abt our parents..and i discover, adults' world is full of wu2 nai4..they sumtimes are helpless as well. Suddenly feel tat i'm growing up. We are all going to go different ways soon, we will become adults, and soon getting old as well.
Haha..it was really nice, to have a "soul talk" with her. Coz, i discovered more abt her..sumthings that she hidden in her heart and i think she oso found out more abt me as well. Although i think we all hav mistakes and weakness..but we all have a hidden feeling, sumthing tat under the masks, we dun reveal everyday. Having a soul talk is really nice...haha..afterall i found out that she had some points which are not wad i think.

These few days really experienced a lot, sumthing which i cant express thru words. With niu laoshi, we tok abt education system...abt our lives, our class...etc etc...haha..life is lyk dat, sum day at sum point, u'll start to get really emotional..in fact, i'm always a emtional person afterall.. K lah..stop writing le.
I'm now at home..staying over night, den sunday going back to hostel. Got tones of work to do..thanks to all the teachers. And mostly, i wan to thank TPY, who make my physics world so "exciting"..exciting till i dun understand anything. -_-

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

I MISS HOME
 
yesterday went back home after sch...coz in urgent need of the stupid comp to do home e article and yet the comp lab in hostel is not open. Haiz...den went home..got down the bus...TO MY HORRO...i forgot the keys...omg. Had almost heart attack...den called my mum. She's nice to come back to give me the keys...:) but i feel very guilty. Then i went violin...met mum for dinner. And went back to hostel. ..and start missing home again. I realize tat i cant see my parents..coz once i see them...i will start missing home more and more:(
haiz...i'm so siao le. Creating troubles for my self to go the so called experience 3 weeks. This whole week is damn damn damn busy.........teachers are mad..lots of work and testsss.........they go die lah. haha...k lah...dun write le...my cca gonna start le.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

I 'm sick
this is so amazing right?? all becoz of the coldness..ya..i mentioned in my previous entry yah.. It's so cold till i got a flu and last night develope into fever. Thankz goodness. haha..saturday afternoon i went home..yah...den in the end slept over there, coz sick le..dun feel lyk going back to hostel in the night. Suddenly realize my house is so nice...very big ehz...sumore my bed is so soft. hahahah and my dad and mum are nice..we tok nicely yah. Haha tat's all the discoveries i have after staying in hostel for 1 week. And most imptantly, i realize pple cant stay together for too long...coz relationship will rot laz. Haha...just lyk usually how me and mum chao2 chao2.
 
Chemistry is getting onto my nevers...saturday slept at home till 7pm...den wake up took dinner and went back to sleep again. Ans now, have to rush to revise chem. It's at least better than physics...I revise chem den tot of mrs chew. Haiz...realize was a good teacher she is now. At least much better than TPY who dunno how to teach at all.
 
Nowadays dunno y feel tat lots of things are not the same already. Yah...i'm repeating this statment again. I'm pmsing very seriously...but i oso dun wan to care lah...sad den sad lor. Last night i cried..felt very shuang. At least crying out is better than keeping it. Haha...wad crap am i writing i oso dunno lah. Dun care dun care. O..lastly...PPLE pls tag tag..my tag board is so lonely. Hahahahah........i'm saying crap again.
 
This afternoon gonna back to hostel...hope life will get better.
 

Friday, July 16, 2004

no idea y i am here..coz the comp lab is supposed to close at 6pm...now is 10.16 pm..hahah....so anyway i'm here. these few days really feeling bad and realli bad. Just felt that no one understands me...and suddenly just felt that lots of things in my life is disappearing. Haiz..maybe i am pmsing. I oso dunno la...today prep time didnt manage to complete hw..den dunno y half way while listening to the radio on my phone...den wanted to cry.
I'm feeling cold...really cold. Coz these days weather really cold yahz. And of coz my mood is down as well. Just dun feel lyk doing anything. Anyway there isn't anything for me to do at all ...besides sleeping and eating and studying in the hostel...haiz...life sucky...sucks to the bottom. Nxt week got 3 tests dear

Thursday, July 15, 2004

dunno how long didnt update my blog le lah..haha. These few days in boarding sch...life is very short of entertainment..........yahz..true very lame lah. Everyday besides eating, sleeping, doing work...almost nth more than tat. So amazing. Haha...life now is getting harder and harder.
few days be4 my mum recieved the njc letter..den told me ..i got rejected. I AM SO GREAT. Didnt even pass the GAT...woah...tat shows my potential...how useless i am woah. Hahahahhaahhahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Nvm...dun wan to elaborate on this stupid thing le. Now sucky nanyang is making us filling in the option form for nxt yr soon. haha.....my mum tat night sms me and ask me not to be sad ab the njc thing..amazed tat she wil say tat to me.

k lah..cant write le. Now is actually IT lesson lor. haiz nowadays cant access to comp..no time to do so.Coz the labs close at 6pm..very early lorz. haha...den 7.30 to 9.30 is prep..2 hr of compulsory studies. yah..life is rather SHORT OF ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!!pple!!!!!!!! call me hoh..............at 64625768..yah, must ask for B4-07, chen meng. hahah ok lah....tat's it le..

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me

Friday, July 09, 2004

today's youth day celebration. Went to sch..yah..den whole day celebration..till 2pm. Shuang! Our nanyang groove dance finally over..haha..felt sho happy. At least it's over..and at least recieved positive comments. haha..this shall be the second and last time i ever join tat talentime..no more nxt time..'coz it's really extremely tiring lor.
then the fun fair was damn fun. Haha..went to paint my fingernails. one nail 2 types of blue and with a white flower pattern on it. Haha..It was my senior's stall lor, so must support, sumore i really want to paint nails. haha luckily we are allowed to keep all those tatoo, nails and wadever till nxt fri. Now i look sum what lyk a very bad gal! With blue finger nails and a scoripion on my left hand..haha beibei help me draw one. Then my left arm is the big big artisitc word" Pirate"..bingyu draw for me before our dance. Haha..dance tat time she really look lyk a pirate, went to draw mostache sumore..very guyish lehz. Haha den my tat black dress a bit not suit to her..coz i look too classical le. Haha..nvm it's over.

Ya, this weekend must pia lots of hw. Nxt wk still got lots of things, got hist test sumore. Haiz. Then this sunday i'll be moving to boarding sch for 3 wks experience le. So hav to start packing..it's a lot to pack lor. Hope my stay wif bingyu will be nice ya..at least stay in boarding sch can wake up at 7 am in the morning is good right. So..ya, wont be updating often le. Now it's already the 3rd term. Suddenly think tat this yr gonna end soon..i'm flunking my subjects..especially physics..dun understand tat TPY saying wad lor. Wad kinda of teacher she is i oso dunno. Shall stop writing here..very tired..want to sleep for a while den must go pack my luggage le~ Tata!

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

seems rather long never update. haha..this whole wk onli got 3 days..monday youth day holiday...fri youth day celebration. Haiz..haha
today eng lesson collage presentation i was down there toking abt beckham and euro cup ...yah. Suddenly realize i crap a lot??!!! haha...n realize i miss euro cup!! i m looking forward to world cup 06!!! yeah! paiseh...i'm being super ultra maddy i noe. haha

then these few days got lots of things going on and on..and certain things issit goin on well lor. Tat TPY...i hate her lah...her lesson i wan to sleep le..and the hist teacher tat dunno wadever khoo...haiz..she teACH rubbish..i can teach better than her! O ya...yesterday got back geo exam paper. It was..lan4..yes lan4. Although maybe a bit higher than sum pple..but to me, it's very low.low until..haiz..made my overall result onli a2 le. WTFFF :@$$$^&**^%^&*
er..i got smth wrong i noe. wadever.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Tonight- EURO04 finals portugal vs greece. muhaha i m gonna watch watch hahaha!!
haiz. damn a lot of hw to pia. Did nothing except half of the home econs assign. OMG y is teachers sho boliao..marking hw make them happy mehz?? siao ah. Nxt week having youth day and hist quiz. Then third week will have sum tests already. Haiz..my life is getting back and back to wad it used to be before the holidays. Just that now, i'm more open minded abt certain things.I
i learnt 2acceptlot of things. haha..my mum's scoldings, pple's exitence frm my world, things getting out of the way i want it to be.Most imptly, i learnt to stop caring too much for pple. haha..sho funny right..caring for pple oso got fault, will oso coz me troubles. No one seem to worth my trust anymore. erps..i getting too pessi? maybe lah. Just cant help it. Coz the reality is always cruel . Every morning woke up open my eyes, i tell myself to be strong..to simply accept how ugly the world is.

Things tat go out maynot be back always

i dunno y am i saying all these things now. TOO MUCH TIME LE??? hahah..i really have lots of things to pia. dun crap le.


LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.
You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

*erm* i noe this pic is erm...but anyway very artistic lah..got this quiz frm sumone else's blog...haha

Friday, July 02, 2004

Today really really damn pissed. Or i shld say i finally exploded. Amazing, it's nothing to do wif the class or amount of hw or wad. Just tat got really damn angry wif sumone whom i kept giving chance to, in the end she made me angry and angry again. I think i need to summon here..i hate pple to make me wait. And i hate those who dun give a damn to things tat u said u wan to do. And i hate those pple who dun communicate wif the other party well and in the end mess up things and of coz...those who simply cant be bothered even wif her own things other than guys. Most impt, i hate those 2 sided face pple, who dun give a damn to the friendship wif pple of ur same gender..in other words zhong4 se4 qing1 you3 lah..
I've really had enough of all these..back stabbing behind me, saying me a bitch..yet when i choose to forgive tat, she can continue to destroy our friendship.

Fine lor..lyk as if i bothers. I am not going to give a damn to this kinda of person. Frankly..if tat person ever comes to my blog..i wan to tell u. U r not worthy for any guys on earth to like u..with ur this kinda of 2 sided character.

well, after saying sho much..i think i dun need to say pple oso shld noe who am i descibing..who am i angry at. I hate it when pple dun even make the effort to apologise lor. Days are getting more n more disastrous lor. But i haven turn back to my pessi side yet..maybe after a few weeks i'll scream tat the world sucks lyk hell..but not now lah. Coz currently wadever has happened i still can take it. i really hope things dun get too far...