Sunday, August 29, 2004
Decided
can you feel the beat?
today decided wad to opt for...yah.
ip: bio+chem+additional science
1st choice: comb 1
2nd choice: comb2
3rd choice: comb 4
humanities elective: English Lit
pure humans: Geo
yah..i chose comb 4..i chose bio over physics. I dunno whether tat will be good for me...but i dun care liao. and i chose ip, i noe there will be risks...anyway life is full of risks right. Wadever lor, jsut a stupid form lor. I filled finish and my mum sign le! ahahha dun care le lah, monday just gonna hand it in like dat.
Today my mum birthday :) haha so yesterday night celebrate for her. Mum dad and i went over to my uncle tat side...den i play play with my cousin...she soooo cute lor. so little innocent kid, not even 1m tall yet, 4 yrs old only. Hahahahah. In the end she refuse to let me go, she pull my shirt, trying to pull me into their car...den the maid come quickly put her into the car and i quickly got into the cab and go home. Hahaaa...she so cute, keep on calling me meng meng jiejie to get my attention while i'm making a phone call lor. So cute right..
i realize i got special affection for little kids lor, maybe coz i think they are so nice to be carefree
2:23 PM
Friday, August 27, 2004
Ceaseless torture..stop Please
can you feel the beat?
I'm feeling very very very bad. Over lots of things. I really think i got sum attitude prob or my studying method got lots of prob or issit simply i have got no self control and continue to slack and slack?
Chen Meng, U are a COMPLETE FAILURE....U are shitter thAN THE SHITTEST THING ON EARTH..U are nth more than a BAICHI..SIMPLE MINDED...SADISTIC PERSON!!!! tAT'S ME.....U are the stupid gal who thinks so much..till u are tourturing urself, I wan to slap U-chen meng!!!!! Urghhhhhhhhh.
i'm reaching for the worst words i know..*frustration*
Monday is the deadline for handing in the sec 3 option form. Shit lor, i really dunno wad to do...I HATE NANYANG...I REALLY HATE HATE HATE. For the first time, i ever so strongly felt the impulsion of wanting to leave this stupid school. Nanyang has let me down. Afterall, it's was not wad think i p6. Anyone who's p6 this right, better dun come to nanyang...u'll suffer. the teachers are nth more than shits. They teach nth ok? they always say" u are smart gals, we are not here to teach, we are to guide u"....Guide ur head lah!!!!.......And of coz, for how much i once luved the sch, now it has let me down totally. I can never forget becoz of the ex cca hod, i cant get into chinese orchestra...I can never forget how strings let down my dreams, where i tot it'll be a good place for me.
I dun wan to complain abt all these useless stuffs liao. Just want to say, I'm disappointed. With myself and the sch. My results is declinling with speed of a rocket man...I bet end of yr i'll get dunno wad kind of results. I have been asking myself, did i really slack tat much tat i have been declining? No. I did wad i was suppose to do. Except things lyk last minute revision, but tat's wad i used to do. I just dun get it lor.
Lots of pple in my class are leaving to places like njc, tjc, nus high sch..blah blah nxt yr. Now on the surface it looks like nanyang is fine and glory, but inside, it's chaos and rotten lor. Perhaps i think it's tat i'm asking too much out of singapore's education. I used to think tat nanyang at least is a good sch right? At least shld meet up to my expectation right?...but i'm wrong. The pple are smart yeah, but the system and tchers suck like dunno wad.
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i really have to make decision be4 monday. Wad shld i do?? i dunno. If i choose ip, there may be a possibility tat i cant do 3 sciences. there's onli 1 class with 3 sciences i suppose??!!! And of coz lor...taking o level has risks oso..i'm those kind tat dun perform well de.
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Let the God decide ba i refuse to think le. It's my future yah, but so? In the end pple still will die after decades of yrs..
3:19 PM
Monday, August 23, 2004
Another side of the world
can you feel the beat?
tonight had a weird dream...dreamt of connie..my pri sch friend..so weird right? Den dreamt tat i was at my house there bustop waiting for 852..hallo??? common sense tell me tat my house bustop has got no bustop..den this dream damn luan4..dunno y den i appeared in the airport. I was carrying this cute mini luggage, walking alone, dunno y i am there as well, amazingly, i stayed there till dunno how long. WAd a blur dream. Woke up at 5am smth and cant get into sleep liao.
This morning's lessons were boliao lyk siao...home econs was baking cookies...yammy! niceo!!! den recieved danxun's sms while i was waiting for the cookies to be baked. Yah..it reads lyk this
"going in now, take care and lots of hugs and kisses and study hard, kz? find a nice guy soon! i will try and contact u when i get there asap...*sobz"
I was damn touched...damn sad oso. Though dx is not really close to me, but perhaps her leaving made me regret for not getting to know her inner soul. Then the image of her in the airport alone came into my mind. She's going to US alone lor..such a long flight..alone..so ke lian. I suddenly remembered wad's the feeling lyk to be in the airport. June holiday tat time went there see airplanes yah..it felt very peaceful, as if u're going to say goodbye to this place, felt as if, the world is still very beautiful coz there are many places which u haven been to, and probably one day, a plane will take u to ur destinated place.
Wad am i toking abt?? i oso dunno lah. Hope this whole semester quick end ba..i'm eager to go back to china for holiday..or i shld say, i'm eager to change enviornment for awhile. I'm feeling sick...dunno who pass flu to me!! urgh..i wan to sleep le
2:54 PM
Friday, August 20, 2004
can you feel the beat?
LONG TIME NO BLOG
Finally, i dunno y i suddenly want to blog, although it's a rainy day now. I told silvia tat i'll blog on sunny days, haha~so lame right.
Recently, lots of things happening. I oso dunno wad shld i write le, maybe got too many things to write, tat's y dunno wad to say le.
Life is Becoming more and more complicated
but i've learnt smthing. It's of 0.0000000% use if i keep on being pessi and stop moving on. Yah, life is lyk dat de.I suddenly see lots of things becoming clearer and clearer these days, human nature and myself.
Today supposed to have cross country run. But for raining reason, it's cancelled. At first we were in j8..taking neoprints ahaha. Yah, den went home tat time saw my pri sch kids. As in i dunno them but they were frm my pri sch. haha, suddenly felt damn weird, lots of memories flashed across my brain. Pri sch seem so so so so damn far far far frm me.I suddenly realize tat pri sch is such a time of happiness yah. Perhaps when JC tat time i'll think sec sch is happy as well. So, i want to say, maybe wad's the biggest happinese is to be able to live at the present.
I've decided to mantain a positive attidue. No matter how terrible things are, no matter how siao the teachers in NY are, no matter how mad the education system in spore is, i'm gonna care abt 0.000 things. Haha, perhaps tat's the only way out for me le. If not, i think i sooner or later have to die within my 4 yrs in nanyang.
Today's Danxun's last day in sch, she's leaving for usa. Kao..now our class got 33 pple onli le. Suddenly felt, time is flying with extreme fast speed, it's soon for 2/2 to say goodbye le lor. Anyway, i can never imagine how the life is at the other side of the world. I suddenly remembered yunfang..dunno how's she now in australia le..haha. The earth is so small afterall, maybe people still get to meet.
Gonna end my entry here le. Nxt week gonna be busy as well.One last thing, suddenly realize blogging is smthing nice to do. At least i write the true side of me here, dun need to hide anything.
5:18 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Today got back my math test..i really flunk it. I failed. So great right...the ever the best test i've ever got in my life. I dunno wad to say. I really think i shld go and test DNA, coz my parents are so diff from me..i've again and again proved myself to be useless. And today's council interview, i didnt concentrate at all. Coz i was feeling guilty..a person who failed math can be a councillor ahz?? hahaha..i ku3 xiao4. I dunno how to show the test paper to my mum. Dunno wad's wrong wif me...i'm declining lyk siao. Today saw sharon they all revising for end of yr sc exam...i was amazed..and suddenly realize. Afterall i'm nth except a damn stupid slacker.
can you feel the beat?
Wadever... i have decided to temporaily close this blog of mine...
afterall all these days, i've had enough of sad things. Enough liao.
Widelia would be back one day when she finds back her confidence in living
4:58 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
Breakdown
can you feel the beat?
我和我的心
终于醒在伤过之后
就算残存一些牵挂
从此不再向虚伪祈求
我是我自己
终于醒在爱过之后
就算未來一无所知
从此不再被冰雪穿透
This is a song frm a tv series..smth on family abuse...and ya, i want to say i'll be strong. From today, i'm gonna to depend on my own. Even it means making path for my future.
Last night smth terrible happen, like a nightmare came true..Afterall, i've just been back to home for 2 days only. I do luv my family..but...who understand how i felt.
Somehow really hope tat i'll have money now..coz money can do lots of things....
Really got hurt..i dunno wad's wrong with me. Today speech training tat time..the teacher look into my face and ask me if i'm okay. Afterall, it seems the whole grp waiting for me to get them started rehearsing. I was damn low..den walk to a corner of the room and stare at the whole class..which obviously seem so nothing to do...den i felt tears just uncontrollably rolling down. Coz i really feel very pain in my heart. The kind of story behind my back which no one would probably understand...
Actually i've tot abt it, wad would my life be without my father, frankly...all tat comes to my mind is less money. And less money means less of wad i have now. Yah, i'm sumone with very high pride, though i cant do anything now, but i'll do smth when i have the ability to. There'll be a day when i can.
And..i no longer think of leaving ny to go sumwhere else. Coz i realize, it's not ny's system got prob...i shld say, is spore itself has got probs. All i can wish is to grow up faster and leave this damn place.
2:43 PM
Sunday, August 01, 2004
hw left: 1000 word short story
can you feel the beat?
history workbook
physics ws
home econs sewing....
god..tat's quite a lot and i dunno y i'm slacking lyk hell here and not doing anything lor. aiyo...dun care lahz. all those stupid things go die ba.
Last night got a call frm conucil..i passed the interview, but amazingly, there's another interview nxt wed. This time is all by teachers..well i shall be prepared to be questioned by 5 teachers sitting along the long conference table. Lyk questioning criminals man...go and die lahz.Ny does has lots of probs..but dares to voice it out. afterall gal schs are all lyk dat lahz. go die lah.
last night tot a lot about the phrase it's either u suit into the environment or u be the great one to change the environment
I shan't be changed by the enviornment...coz i think there's nth worth me to change. So..i shall be the great one to change the enviorment!!!!! weeeee!!!! haiz..this is rubbish, does it means that if i dun like the way pple around the environment behave den i can change them?? siao lor..i'm not a super woman. Bud wadever it is, i'm determined tat i will not be changed by the present enviroment, which is a world of fakeness and double sided gals all around me!!
haha, okay i shall stop crapping and go do my 1000 word essay le..stupid eng elective...hate it lah..wad the hell. I'm not those talented writers, ask me to write short stories, go die lahz...ahahhaah
1:34 PM