Sunday, October 31, 2004
Cellular
can you feel the beat?
Today went to watch cellular wif my mum. Quite a nice movie..got sum very thrill scenes..exciting ehz. Nice movie. After that had dinner in delifrance and my mum went to buy this hp sony t630 one...the model that i was targeting for. Haha, nvm, think i'll get it maybe in one yr's time when my mum upgrade or smth.
the bad thing was when we're back home, my dad was bushuang..coz we ate outside and mum didnt cook 4 him. I very bushuang wif him lor, wad's the prob. Haiz..he has all along be lyk dat..very complicated, dun wan to say abt him le. Actually my family backgrd is far more complex than wad my friends noe. If able to, i wuld lyk to change father. nvm..dun wan to say abt it le. Every family has its probs..
this whole day didnt touch violin and tmr got lesson. Think tmr morning must practise hard...haiz..very sianz. Feel lyk changing tcher, or i shld say, i always have been wanting to change. But just dun hav the chance to. Yesterday i called up MSM, they got no place at all. And of coz, my dear dad will oppose this idea of changing, i'm very pissed.Dun wan to mentiont this siao guy.
yah, i said before. I'm so innocent. Actaully i dun wan to be born at all. But since i'm alive, i'll try my best to survive. Frankly, just that i preferred not to be alived in the first place. I'm i contradicting myself?? Dunno. I'm being pessi again..shuts
11:06 PM
Saturday, October 30, 2004
script writing camp
can you feel the beat?
yesterday was very cham..evening discovered my left ear a bit swell..infection! urgh...i think no one is as baichi as me..who dun even noe how to take a ear stud out. In the end tried to call jiayi to ask..her line busy..but in the end still got some advice..one say take the stud out and repierce nxt time. Another one say just leave it and feed it with alcohol. Hahah..in the end i took the second one.
this morning went for the cca camp, it was ok lah. But i think the lao shi spent too much time doing dunno wad exercise haha. I think the nxt session will be more fun.Haha, i'm really looking 4ward to the nxt yr's art fest. Today whole day mum not at home, my dAD was watching tv frm 1pm till now. So qiang right..his watching this lame vcds he bought frm china.
after coming back frm cca, i was thinking abt lots of things. Abt wad shld i improve nxt yr.Yup..i think i shld listen to my mum and clear up my room. I shall go and find another box--to put all those things for this yr one. And i 've stop believing that i can change the environment. Last time a friend told me be4, it's either u suit to the environment or change the environment. Perhaps, i've got to let go of my some characters and learn to suit to what others are, which i insisted those are fake fake behaviours. Most imptly, i think i need to learn how to zuo4 ren2. yup, very impt de. And one last thing--concentrate on the thing that's impt..stop giving too much attention to smth tat's not worth it to. My life is too tired, need to change.
shall stop here, must go do my work le. Got 3 scripts haven memorize
5:09 PM
Friday, October 29, 2004
Last day
can you feel the beat?
today was the last day in sch..this whole sch yr 2004 ended liao. I dunno how am i feeling, mixed?? haiz..it was rather a busy day.
morning 8am smth-- prize giving
10 smth -council batch meeting
11 smth- went to do e stupid moe survey
11 going to 12-- spch training meeting
12.30 to 2 smth--at audi listening to a stupid nyaa tok
2.30--emcee training
4.30-- went home
haiz...wad shld i say? i dunno. Today's spch training meeting, which i insisted to hold it..was much of a frustration. I shan't elaborate. All i can say is, 202 group 1 got total no displine and common sense. Our play is far below standard. Lots of things undone. All i can say is that ..if it gets taken out in the end, i wont be sad. Yah, coz i've given it my best. This is the truth lor, i tried my best, gave it damn lots of attention.
Den the emcee thingy oso seem very unsteady..haiz haiz haiz..tue must go up stage liao and yet now it doesnt seem settled yet. Life..is getting more n more dizzy. Urgh, i bushuang
Just now qurralle wif my mum oso. She's complaining i lan4. I suck in studies, i suck in character, i suck in everything yah. .tat's wad she says. And she comments that i'm wrong to not give her the parent invitation card to her for the prize giving. Hallo??????? i didnt even get that stupid damn card. Baichi oso noes these few days our sch is very chaotic..dunno wad's going on at all. I'm not aware of everything coz no one tells me. Duh...pissed yah..she scold me and scold and scold..till i cry. Fine.wad's there prob? i cant think of any except menopasue of mad woman.
Dun really have any special feeling 4 leaving 202. Coz..dunno y, really dunno y. Maybe i'll miss it nxt yr. i'm those kind onli realize wad i feel when i've lost it. But frankly, really hope nxt year can get into a more enthu class. If i end up in another hack care class, i might as well go knock the wall. Yah. I cant stand pple who are having their leadership roles yet not performing it well. I'm referring to sum pple in my class, i shant mention who. Am i gossiping? dunno..nvm dun wan to say le. i believe those pple noe it the best inside their hearts.
Tmr still got cca..shall stop here
9:24 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
today in sch was of totally utterly boredom...lame lame. Slack lyk dunno wad..feeling very sianz. Tmr is our speech training full dress rehearsal in audi..hope nth goes wrong..i better go revise tonight...if not tmr i will make lots of mistakes and pull back everyone. Hope choral night can quickly end yah. Actually today sumhow felt that choral night is a bit lame diao..it seems lame frm the showlist, but maybe the show itself looks better i think??..ummm
can you feel the beat?
Recess went to try council uniform..it was kinda of weird i would say..out of place. Yah, yesterday the intro of new elects was even more ummm...i was standing down there lyk a baichi. Nvm.. My dad's back today, dunno y i got no feeling de. But in actual fact i was only happy coz he brought back sum stuffs..haha. These days i'm getting lamer and lamer, think god oso cant help me liao.Mum recently is nagging a lot at me...obivously, she wan me to go and Study..hahah...it's a bit siao lah. Coz i dun even have sec3 books..so wad she want. And yah..she's being nagging abt my room, very messy and blah blah. haiz..think she menopause and i pms..cant avoid cong1 tu2..
6:53 PM
Monday, October 25, 2004
well..today actually back to my normal mood le. These few days quite lots of things happen and ya..i do have quite lots of tots.
can you feel the beat?
Yesterday went to see my 3 yr old cousin..she's quite naughty lor..bathing tat time splash water all over me..but she's very cute lah. Haha..how i wish i could be a little kid as well. I siao siao de.
Then today the interclass comp. was okay lah. 202's softball got first...dunno how come such a mircale will happen man. But our netball lost ya..both teams lost. I'm actually happy to see sum spirit in the class yah..coz we always tot 202 is not bonded..we r not bonded to a larger extent but sumtimes oso can enthu a bit lah. Haha..i'm crapping. The spch training lesson today i was forgeting my lines very very badly. And a few scenes wif yifang was repeated over and over and over again...at least 10 times?? hhaaa...i feel so down..so shi1 bai4 siaz..
o ya..i've confirmed tat i'm gonna be the emcee for choral night on tues and thurs..haha pple who wan to see me make mistakes come come come. No lah..actually i'm promoting choral night..haha..it's actually quite interesting to watch yahz..esp i think we have lots of funny shows..pple who watch will laugh till siao one. Yah..hahaaaa...k lah dun wan to crap le.
o ya oya..last thing..today watched the sia presentation...danqing u rocks! haaa...helen oso...hehe
7:29 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2004
X- country
can you feel the beat?
today i in very very good mood!!!!!! dunno y...coz today spend a lot of money maybe??? i siao liao..hahah den today managed to get the book da vincin code...i've been lookin 4 it all the while:)
HEHEEEEE
cross country was tiring...but quite okay. Mer was saying she wan to pang sia during the run. haha...btw, i walked half of the distance. hahahha. Den at my last 100 m...i heard mr lim say" chen meng jiayou". hahaha, suddenly felt cheering is better than running. Den dismissal tat time mr lim ask if wan to take photo...den i rejected coz i wan to go esplanade with via quickly. But now felt very guilty...coz nxt yr wont see him so often le. Both niulaoshi and mr lim are nice..yah..i wont forget them de. They are more like friends than just form tchers...haha. Life still got a long way to go. Hope nxt yr can get more good tchers ...esp mrs chew for science and ms ong for lit. Haha...own effort counts but tchers do a great part as well.
My mum agreed to buy me a new violin for my bdae present:):):):) i'm so happy....hahaaa...but she say in the condition tat if i really met one tat i think it's suitable lah...choose instrument oso got yuan2 fen4 one.
K lah...dun wan to write le...i gonna to read my da vincin code la...tata
5:12 PM
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
EOY result
can you feel the beat?
Eng: C6
Chinese : very low A1
Math: borderline A1
Science: just nice A2
History: just nice A1
Lit: Low A2
haha..above is everything liao..got to know history and lit today..nvm dun feel lyk elaborating on them liao..hack.
Today got the booklist..lame till siao..the books are so ex lor. O yah..decided to go back china in early december. Think the most only can spend 3 weeks there. These few days not in good relations wif my mum, luckily my dad will only be back 1 week later..if not i'll have another person nagging at me.
urgh...feeling hungry, dun wan to write le
4:12 PM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
State of failure
can you feel the beat?
English: just passed
Chinese: borderline A1
Math: Either A2 or borderline A1
Science: on the very very very edge of A2
this is the result i got to noe recently..fucked. I really extremely pissed..with myself and wif the sch, with the society. My english is soooooooooo great....even in p6 i have never gotten this kind of marks before...50 smth lor...really just passed...even if with the CA marks..i can only get 60 marks the most. OMG...this is wad nanyang this extremely inbalanced chinese sch nuture me into...but of coz, the most to blame is still myself.
Recently really lots of things tat made me unhappy..mostly is the eoys result. Nvm...dun wan to say le. There's no more use in elaborating it...i dun get any more marks for depressing for the results. The word F*** has been used by me recently with extreme high frquencency...one math paper can make me spit out 10 times of vulgarities. Haiz..i feel so sorry.
I got into council. Dun really noe i shld be happy or sad. I oso dun wan to elaborate on this le...coz i noe i shldn't elaborate. I knew the back scene truth of the election..ya, and i noe i'll feel out of place with those "already- councillors". Wadever has been done is done, so all i can do is to pick up tat challenge. That day a friend wanted to treat me lunch coz i made it to council...in the end almost ended up fighting...these days no body's in good mood.
Today cca discussed abt nxt yr's art fest..the skeleton of the script seems to be very nice..looking forward yahz. Dun wan to write le, no in the mood.
7:00 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Last night finally pierced my ear..haha took lots of decisions to do tat lor. Muahahah....i got smth wrong. Nvm.
can you feel the beat?
Today went out with Ekping, just roamed around singapore's various shopping centres...a bit boliao lah...but stay at home is even more boliao than ever. Then we took neoprints..haha, i gonna brankrupt le, my mum is nagging at me now. She was telling to do some thing abt studies instead of everyday sleeping and playing. Hahahah..i noe i noe i noe i noe. I just took her words as sum craps.
Monday's going back to sch. I'm feeling a bit weird weird weird now..Dun feel lyk it at allll lor. My great depression is significantly over...but i noe another depression is gonna to hit me very very very soon when nxt week getting back the results. F diao.
Tonight got Pearl Harbour...heheheh
6:33 PM
Friday, October 15, 2004
well, today went for speech training rehearsal...haha as usual, it was a mess to me. Perhaps, since after i join chinese drama, i look at pple with a high expectation eye. Haha dunno lah.
can you feel the beat?
I felt weird stepping into nanyang again. coz i m already totally 100% in holiday mood...stupid sch, stupid choral night. Haiz. But frankly speaking, this is our class's last chance, i hope all can take it seriously lor...but maybe it's not very possible. Dunno y i feel so relax, i'm not worry abt the choral night thing at all. Coz maybe, i've learnt my lesson. O ya, met Li laoshi..he ask me want to be emcee or not for the choral night. Yah i agreed, i m now wondering do they have a selection de??!! Dunnoo...hack.
Mum last night was asking me when i wan to go back china...she wan to book ticket for me. Haiz, hope council quickly quickly release result lor...dun care if i get in or not..but i want to plan my holidays! I wan to book plane ticket liao! Cant help it, i'm really 100000% in happy happy crappy lazy holiday mood. ^^
Listening to Yanzi's yujian now...dunno y suddenly listen to this again...got smth wrong with my brain. Hahaz. Dunno y these few days sooo free, yet very little pple to tok to. Wad a big contrast with sch days, very busy but still got pple keep on calling in to chat chat. So actually now feel wuliao and lame till siao le. Tonight maybe going out with my mum to pierce my ear. Ya, dunno y suddenly wan to pierce le, last time mum ask me to go i oso dun want. Haha, seem to have lots of "Dunno" recently.
Mum recently seem very very weird as well. Last time during dinner dunno y she suddenly said..meng meng ah..i allow u to have "bgr" ehz. Hahhahahah i almost fell off my chair, dunno y she suddenly told me this, dunno wad she implying oso..wad a funny joke. Omg...i really think my mum got affected by my madness...she turning a bit siao as well le.
4:22 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
感触
can you feel the beat?
今天和大狗狗出去玩了一天，才发现了很多很多事都变了，但当然有些事还未动摇。哈哈，其实我真的很珍惜小学的好朋友，因为他们在我心里是一片难以抹去的回忆，也是一片净土吧。每想到小学的日子，总觉得心里很平静，那真的是回忆，是纪念。
我们聊了很多东西，虽然心灵深处的某些话也许没讲，但我觉得已经尽在不言了。我曾经一直觉得我的心早就死了，早就不会对任何感情方面的事而在乎，虽然现在还是死的，但至少，我开始又想要珍惜很多事，包括身边的很多朋友。以前的我对于友情，感情过于在乎，才发现很多事是你力不从心的。该离开的人就注定会离开，而该留下的人会注定留在你生命里。我也看开了，或是说面对生活的现实，我成长了吧。
突然之间有点想我外婆，每当想到去世的外公心里还是一阵的痛。应该没人明白我在写些什么吧，呵呵。
只是今天又找会了一个小小的真理--只要我们努力了，生活就不会亏待我们。
9:16 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Weeeeee...i've just changed my blog skin.. haha.I like the eyes :) Today's a bit boring..suddenly cant suit the fact tat i'm not busy anymore..haha too relax untill not used to it.
can you feel the beat?
Last night had a good chat tat actually sumhow made me relax my emotions yah. Wadever it is, i've decided to stay happy, at least i'll try too. Yah, if not life got no meaning liao lor. It's very reduntant if i life these few decades of my life so bushuangly, so..i shld be happy..yah, even if it means happy go lucky oso never mind. Haha, dunno how come i suddenly think this way.
This morning suddenly tot of shld i go and get a part time job?? dunno. think most probably i'll spend at least 1 month in spore for the holidays. Den oso tot about our class gonna be separated very soon. Or i shld say, we are already separated. Coz after exams there's probably not much chance tat we will appear as a class anymore. Dun really noe how am i feeling abt this. But after these 2 years, frankly speaking our class as a whole didnt really made a great impact to my life yahz. Haiz, but anyway..i've tot abt gatherings wif sum pple..but suddenly feel myself a bit zi4 zuo4 duo1 qing2.
this thurs probably going out wif old classmate..haha really miss sum of them..especially da gou gou. Haha, shall stop here, decided to go and practise violin le. Must buck up my violin le...for the last one month i have been neglecting it coz of the exams and buzy stuffs
5:18 PM
Monday, October 11, 2004
自言自语
can you feel the beat?
只想说一个字
累
很想去看海
也许这只不过是再一次的失败
我承认了
不懂
我还是不懂
到底为什么？
看着自己差强人意的成绩
心里是说不出的滋味
--太对不起自己
我知道
再多的反省也没有用
因为总有一天
我还是会向现在这样的自责
其实道理很简单
我谁都不能怪
是自己的错
真的
很
痛苦
让自己一再的犯错
只能说自己
--笨
一转眼，一年又要过去了，然而我却感到的仅是时光的流逝，生命的缩短。也许我太悲观了，没办法，就是这样的人。很想搭飞机，很想离开，也许快乐吧。很快我就能找回自己，过更好的生活。这一年来其实有很多感受，进出我的世界的人来来往往，但我还是我。也许是还没碰上能改变我的人，或许说，我看透了很多东西，多到没有力气再去珍惜任何人。生命的意义，对我来说模糊不清，也许只有死了，才知道活着是该这么活。真的觉得社会畸形发展--我可能有点太不讲理了。是吗？
1:22 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004
Great Depression
can you feel the beat?
well, i'm in a state of great depression...not tat economy depression...haha. Haiz..i flunk my whole EOY...I'M SO GREAT I FLUNK MY SCIENCE, HISTORY, LIT AND MATH AND ENG.
haiz...one more paper to go...math paper 2 on monday...den i free liao. but now, i'm already slacking...coz feel very bushuang and cant control myself. tmr morning still got math supp class. I realize lady luck never comes to my side. I'mm probably fail my math paper 2 as well.
I maybe cant go in ip, cant get 3 science class. Doomed...
life= sickening.
i just dun understand marks is not = money. why pple are chasing after those stupid marks which just worth a tick and some cock???
dun wan to write le...depressed. I'm a failure. i've admitted abt it many times.....dunno when i'll be happy with myself.
10:28 PM
Friday, October 01, 2004
Today's english paper 1 and 2 was like...erm dunno how to descibe lah. Haiz..i think i flunk my formal letter...write till the examiner sure minus dunno how many marks...wadever. AT LEAST ONE PAPER HAS PASsed
can you feel the beat?
I'm Left with:
Lit(never touch)
Chinese 20 chapters
History 2 chapters
history source base skills
1/2 Math
3/4 Physics
3/4 Bio
o god help me...!!!!!!! i'm gonna die le. Even this weekend dun sleep oso cant help much...let me die ba...o my god...haiz
6:56 PM